Six Weird Things...

...while getting ready to sleep or while sleeping.

I was tagged by Michael. Gosh, I don't think I've ever been tagged before, so I thought it only right that I actually give it a little thought and...well...here it goes:

1. I actually drink coffee before I go to bed; usually one regular cup of coffee followed by one cup of decaf. The caffeine doesn't bother me at all, and the warm liquid puts me to sleep.

2. I'm a skincare addict. First, I wash my face with some overpriced "Cream Cleanser With Dead Sea Minerals" stuff I bought at the skincare place I go to (at least once) for a treatment every single time I go to Chicago. After that, I apply this equally-overpriced vitamin goop all over my face. After that dries, I put on my moisturizer. I guess it's no wonder that Mrs. TBF is often asleep by the time I get to bed.

3. Gotta look after King too... He has a water cup on our headboard that's just for him. Every couple of days or so I rinse and refill the cup before it gets too nasty.

4. Then comes the year-round hand moisturizing. First, I put on whatever hand moisturizer I happen to be using at the time. Then, after that's been absorbed, I open up my ginormous tub of Eucerin and pull out a golf ball sized glob that takes me about five minutes to work-in. As I'm working it into my hands, the slurping sound usually wakes Mrs. TBF up and then she says something like "Nooooooooooo! Eucerin hands!!!!" During the winter, I also apply Vaseline to my feet and then put on socks. No...not Vaseline Intensive Care! I'm talkin' the real petroleum jelly stuff. I have the worst feet in the history of mankind; narrow, bony, cracked heels, calloused, and super SUPER dry.

5. After my moisturizing regimen, I jump into bed and immediately "spoon" Mrs. TBF and attempt to begin groping her. A very short, but spirited, scuffle ensues (aren't I romantic?), and then I settle for just the "spooning" part ("...Just as long as you don't touch my bare skin with those Eucerin hands!"). At this point, I'll tell Mrs. TBF that I'm not the least bit tired, and...then I'll fall asleep within approximately thirty seconds. At some point, Mrs. TBF wakes me up when telling me that my arm (that's draped over her) is crushing her.

6. I'm not really a get-up-during-the-night-to-pee person; I think my family gene-pool has blessed me with a good prostate and a large bladder. Besides, even if I do have to pee, it's just not worth the hassle of having to get King to move from his sleeping spot ever-conveniently located between my legs (we call him the crotch rocket!). Plus, on the rare occasion that I do have to get up, King will end up following me into the bathroom and proceeds to rub his teeth (we call it "toofing") on my shin bones for no apparent reason but to annoy me.

7. BONUS "THING": Weekly washing of bed linens in scalding hot water to attempt to remove greasy skincare products from my pillowcase, sheet, and duvét cover.

Good night!