Friday, December 05, 2008

Someone Had To Do It!

I just returned home a little while ago from a babysitting adventure. Actually, since the kids (whom I've known for seven years) are 13 and 11, "baby" isn't really the correct term. Dad was out of town on business, and Mom had to suddenly go out of town for the night, so "Uncle" TBF was called in for a little "adult" (snort!) supervision.

Imagine...somebody entrusting me with the safety of their children. I feel like such a grownup.

I actually walked into the house last night and sang: "Here I come to save the dayyyyyyyyyyy!" Since these American kids have lived outside of the U.S. nearly their entire lives, they actually had no idea what I was singing about. I asked them if they knew who Mighty Mouse is. They had no idea.

Sad...

Everything went well. I cooked up a bit of pasta, watched some TV with the kids, answered about 827 questions like "How long have you been bald?", etc., and then the kids just went to bed at 9:30. I cleaned up a little in the kitchen, went upstairs to my room, read until about midnight, and then...proceeded to toss and turn on what has to be the shortest and most uncomfortable futon in the history of futons.

TBF advice: Don't ever buy a futon. If you have a futon - get rid of it!

So after having spent the previous evening with possibly the greatest, most polite kids in the history of kid-dom, I walked the kids to school and then got on the tram to head back home. I got on the tram with my ear buds in my ears, picked a seat, and opened my book. I was tired, crabby, and full of piss and vinegar from having woken up at 6:45 a.m. (It's inhumane, I tell ya!). At the next stop, two Swiss kids got on - one of the kids sat next to me, and the other one just stood next to him in the aisle. The trouble began immediately...

These two juvenile delinquents from Satan's brood began poking each other. Then, they started shoving each other. All the while, they squoli squonked at each other in their Swiss-German gibberish. Other people began giving them dirty looks - more shoving...more squonking...

Why is nobody saying anything? WHY IS NOBODY DOING ANYTHING???
, I thought.

I'd had enough! I back-handed the kid sitting next to me in the arm - hard enough to get his attention, but not hard enough to hurt him - while simultaneously giving him the death glare and said:

"GENUG!"

He looked at me and saw that he was about two seconds away from having a size 13 American shoe stuck up his ass. I stared daggers at his friend and he immediately broke eye contact with me. The brats didn't say peep for the rest of their trip. In fact, I don't think anybody else in the entire tram car said peep.

"Here I come to save the dayyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

10 comments:

CanadianSwiss said...

LOL! Do you practice that look in a mirror, or something?? Pretty impressive.

Jul said...

Awesome. You have become even more Swiss than the Swiss.

Anonymous said...

TBF....did someone piss in your cornflakes this morning?!!! No, someone woke up on the wrong side of the futon this morning!!!! LOL...get some nap time in today and you will be good as gold tomorrow, Uncle TBF!!
ESP

Mrs. TBF said...

Excellent job TBF!!!!

Leesa said...

OMG!! That's the funniest F***KEN thing I have read in a long time!!!!!! I LOVE the photo, too... The DEATH GLARE!!! I used that all the time during my days as an elementary school teacher in San Diego.. Gladly, French kids are so well behaved that I don't have to pull out my death glare here!!!
P.S. When I was a kid I had a crush on Underdog...

Your Sister said...

The greatest, most polite kids? What about your nieces and nephew? I'm going to make sure Finn has his plastic sword ready for you when you return in Feb...to finish what he started on Halloween!

Swiss Miss said...

Glad to hear you've someone is controlling these out of control Swiss kids :)

Expat Traveler said...

Yeah I'd say great job on shutting up those little brats... and I've got the same question... Do you practice that look often? It's scary!

headbang8 said...

Well, I'm scared.

Di said...

Timi - Sam admitted to only 825questions...and Alie admitted to asking you when you became bald. Thanks SO much again. That picture is scary...put that on your Ausweis...