Dear Quality Bakers...

...of Garrel, Germany:
Your "Mega Burger Buns" hamburger buns SUCK!
Every year, when I make my unbelievably good TBF burgers (this year I'm making them on my new Weber Genesis grill - his name is Helmut!) for the first time, I'm aghast at your company's sheer disregard for quality control. I feel that it is my manly right that the first bite I take out of my TBF burger should not result in my top-bun shattering into no less than 14 pieces. This is an unmitigated outrage.
My friend Andy (he has a PhD in one of the sciences) tells me that the reason this happens is because of your refusal to use enzymes in the baking process. Please begin using said enzymes immediately. If you used the same attention to detail in the baking process that you use in translating the ingredients list on the back of the package into 20 languages, perhaps this correspondence would not be necessary.
I will, from now on, buy only Harry's hamburger buns at Geant in France. My friend, Dr. Andy, assures me that they use his company's enzymes (doh!) in the baking process. Thank you for your time.
You suck!
Mit freundlichen gruessen...
TBF