Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I just saved at least 5,000 CHF!!!

I went to Art Basel today. It's an annual contemporary/modern/abstract art show at Basel's convention center, and let me tell's quite the freak show! I saw your usual artsy folk dressed in black, smoking cigarettes, and acting like they were important or something. But, I also saw some real freaks. The best freaks were a man and woman walking arm in arm, with shaved heads, and identical outfits - fishnet hose, fuzzy pink neon shawls, very heavy eye makeup, etc., etc. And, they had to be over fifty years old. FREAKS!!!
My favorite piece from the "...I could do that!" category was a plastic ice cube tray that was screwed to the wall (flat side facing the wall), and somebody (apparently the "artist") had written "I'm very thirsty" on the back of it with black magic marker. FREAKS!!!
I noticed that there were a lot of "works" that were pretty much just a canvas that had been entirely painted black. Man, what I'd give to have copyrighted the "black painting" a few thousand years ago....I'd be rich!!!
Another theme I noticed was a white piece of paper which somebody had scribbled on with a black magic marker (probably the "artist's" child), slapped a cheap frame around it, called it "untitled", and then had the nerve to charge something like 5,000 CHF for it! One of these "works" even showed a price tag of 8,000 Euros, and the frame was 500 Euros EXTRA!!! CROOKS!!!
So, on my way home, I remembered that I had a couple of IKEA frames that I bought for 10 CHF each a couple of years ago for no reason other than the fact that they were on sale. Upon arriving home, I went down to our storage locker, blew the dust off of one of these frames, took off the backing, and scribbled directly onto the inside of the glass with TWO markers - a black one and a blue one. I scribbled with the black one using my right hand, and I used my left hand to scribble with the blue marker. Therefore, I decided to name my "masterpiece" - Left/Right. Come to think of it...I should have called it Right/Left! Given the fact that I used two colors and actually titled the piece, I think my artwork should go for at least 7,500 CHF. My version of the "Black Canvas" is next. That one will actually take me about thirty minutes from start to finish, so I'll probably have to ask about 10,000 CHF for that one.
No checks or credit cards. Cash only, please! I'll accept Swiss francs, Euros, and U.S. dollars. Thanks!

1 comment:

The Big Finn said...

I forgot to mention the weirdest thing I saw at Art Basel. Outside of the exhibition, they had a bar that was made out of fiberglass to look like a giant large intestine. There were people inside of this large intestine having drinks. On the outside, on one side, they had in big letters - Anus Bar. On the other side - Rectum Bar. FREAKS!!!!