Friday, November 23, 2007

Revenge Is...


I had to bring King to the vet this morning. Don't worry...nothing serious! He had a blood test right before we went to Japan, and the results necessitated us increasing the dosage of his thyroid medicine. This morning's blood test is just a follow-up to see if his levels are now at normal levels.

King has always been a good patient - although he did hiss a bit when Dr. "Boozer" jabbed him in his front leg to draw some blood. The problem is that he's not very happy when he's in his traveling crate. But even worse yet is when he has to fast for twelve hours before a blood test.

That's bad for him AND for us.

King's appointment was at 8:00 this morning. This meant that we weren't supposed to feed him after 8:00 last night. We cheated a bit, and he finished the last bit of his food at just before 9:00 p.m. As we went to bed, I saw that he was standing in the kitchen next to the empty space where his food bowl should have been, and I figured we were in for a long, LONG night.

It turned out not to be too bad. He tapped my face a couple of times during the night, but I just told him to F-off and covered my face with the duvet. He eventually got the message, and I didn't really have to deal with him again until I got out of bed at 5 a.m.

Why 5 a.m., you ask? Well, that would be because Mrs. TBF had to fly to London for the day, and since I had to reserve a Mobility car to drive King to the vet's office anyway, I told Mrs. TBF I'd drive her to the airport so that she wouldn't have to take a taxi (good husband points for me!!!).

I made the five minute walk to where the Mobility cars are parked, drove it back to our garage, went back up to our apartment, and walked in to find "Starving" King fake-vomiting nothing but spit to try to prove to us what neglectful parents we had been.

Sorry, buddy...another couple of hours to go!

I drove Mrs. TBF to the airport, returned home, then endured constant pestering from King for an hour or so until it was time to load him into his crate and into the car. You have to believe me when I tell you that the drive was absolute HELL! Not only did I have to endure King's howling, but the howling was combined with Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply (perhaps the gayest song in the history of recorded music!) playing on the radio. Brrrrrrr! I'm shuddering just thinking about it!

We finally made it to Dr. "Boozers" office. The drawing of blood took a couple of minutes, King hissed, and then we were OUTTA there! I loaded King back into the car for the ride home.

Suddenly, at a red light about thirty seconds from our garage door, I smelled what was probably the worst smell I've ever experienced in my life. I turned around and saw...

...King sitting proudly on one side of his crate next to what was most likely...the longest cat turd in the history of cat turds!!!

King's revenge: total and complete!

I somehow managed to not pass out from the fumes and pulled the car into the garage. Fortunately, I had put a an absorbent doggy-training pad in the bottom of the crate, so I was able to simultaneously hold King, wad up the turd, and dry-heave.

To avoid further vengeance, I fed King immediately after returning to the apartment. He gobbled up all his food in a snap and was snoring away on our bed a couple of minutes after that.

I went back to the garage with a garbage bag in one hand and a spray bottle of room deodorizer in the other.


CanadianSwiss said...

LOL! Schadenfreude is sometimes priceless! Ooops.... Sorry... But it could have been worse. Could have been pudding-like instead of a turd!

The Big Finn said...

cs - You're absolutely right. When King had his dental work/teeth pulled last month, he was put on an antibiotic that caused him to have the shits. Thankfully, he was back into prime-turd-form.

Unknown said...

oh what a story! And I imagine that turd the comparable of seeing that women's hair she ate and doctors took out with me completely gagging..

Ok - the smell wasn't there but I got your point! Glad it didn't turn out worse for ya.

The DP said...

cats are such vengeful little beasts, but king rules the universe with that one.
the howling and the savage garden- priceless.

Michael Lehet said...

Ah...Kitty Revenge, the best kind of revenge there ever was!

The Sour Kraut said...

Oh yeah, sometimes the dog farts are so intense, you'd swear they just shat the rug!